Contact & Counselling Form

❓ If I tell a lie to prank my husband, is it a sin?

📖A Prank is a prank as long as you let the person know that it’s a prank and don’t leave them believing it.

❓ What are some tips for a husband and wife who are living in different continents to have an enjoyable marriage?

📖Build Strong Communication Rhythms Distance removes everyday interaction, so communication must be intentional.

• Agree on regular call times that respect time zones
• Mix formats: video calls, voice notes, short messages during the day
• Talk about ordinary life, not only problems or logistics
• Practice listening without rushing to solve everything
Consistency builds emotional security.

2. Protect Emotional Intimacy
Physical distance makes emotional closeness even more important.
• Share feelings honestly, not just updates
• Celebrate small wins together
• Pray or reflect together
• Keep each other involved in daily decisions
The goal is to remain partners, not two individuals living separate lives.

3. Plan Visits and Have a Clear Future Plan
Long-distance marriages become stressful when there’s no visible end.
• Schedule the next visit before the current one ends
• Work toward a clear timeline for eventually living together
• Treat visits as both romantic and practical (discuss finances, goals, plans)
Hope reduces emotional strain.

4. Maintain Trust and Transparency
Distance can create insecurity if expectations are unclear.
• Be open about schedules and friendships
• Avoid secrecy with phones or social life
• Address misunderstandings early before they grow
Trust is the oxygen of marriages and much more long-distance marriages.

5. Keep Romance Alive Intentionally
Romance doesn’t disappear because of distance — it just changes form.
• Surprise messages or gifts
• Online date nights (watch a film together, eat together on video)
• Express appreciation often
Small gestures carry extra weight when apart.

6. Manage Conflict Carefully
Arguments are harder without physical presence.
• Avoid serious arguments when tired or rushed
• Use video rather than text for sensitive conversations
• Focus on understanding, not winning
Distance amplifies tone, so patience matters.

7. Grow Individually While Staying Connected
Healthy long-distance couples balance independence and unity.
• Support each other’s work and personal growth
• Share progress and challenges regularly
• Avoid living completely separate emotional lives

❓ Must I tell my wife everything?

📖Yes, if it has to do with your lives, your marriage, children, finances, career, etc for you are one.

❓ Is it okay to have some set specifications before, for example, desiring someone who has a PhD, can pray in tongues or has a car, before commencing dating?

📖You should not be unduly earthly minded when it comes to choosing someone to date with the view of marrying them – focus more on whether they are genuinely born again, does the person love God, do they reference God by honouring his word and living by his word.

There are people who pray in tongues but they behave like the devil – no evidence of the fruit of the spirit in their lives; check for the fruit and be sure they are not faking it. Put them to test of time.

Don’t be thinking of what the person has materially; get blessed materially yourself so you can also be a blessing to the person and not just what you want to get off somebody else. Please go and listen to the October 2025 edition of the youth relationship talk for further details.

❓ From Matthew 19:15, does this mean that a couple should take care of their parents?

📖Please take care of your parents; for whatsoever a man sows he shall reap.

❓What are the roles of the couple's parents after marriage?

📖1. Prayers – couples should seek their guidance and counselling from their regarded mentors and pastors as much as possible and not from their parents

2. Support Without Creating Dependency
- Helping is good; dependence can create pressure.
- Offer help during major transitions (new baby, relocation, illness)
- Avoid making the couple feel unable to function independently
- Encourage responsibility and growth

3. Model Respect Between Families
- Both sets of parents should promote harmony.
- Treat in-laws with respect and
- Avoid competition or comparison
= Help create a sense of extended family rather than divided loyalty

4. Allow the Couple to Build Their Own Traditions
- Every marriage forms its own culture.
- Be open to new ways of celebrating holidays or handling family time
- Accept that priorities may change after marriage

❓ As a 21st century Christian is it compulsory to pay bride price?

📖If the family of the bride are asking for bride price then you are to pay – Jacob served for 14 years for Rachel; Jesus paid the price for the church

Why bride price? - It honours the family and the bride
- It gives the bride a sense of security
- It shows commitment and responsibility on the part of the man
- There are so many examples in the bible

However, Bride price should not become a barrier or cause delay to marriage because unreasonable price is demanded for the bride.

❓ To add, can’t we just get married in court since the parents, pastors and friends are aware ( to save unnecessry costs)

📖Bride price is not an unnecessary cost and should not be viewed so; it is for the reasons above. It can be negotiated if it is unreasonable.

❓ I understand the importance of dating in helping to know your partner, but is dating even biblical?

📖The short answer is: dating as we know it today is not found in the Bible — but that doesn’t mean it is unbiblical. It simply means it is a modern way of doing something the Bible does address, which is choosing a marriage partner wisely.

Dating is helpful to observe character and faith, emotional and spiritual compatibility, In that sense, dating can serve the biblical aim of wise discernment.

❓ As a 21st century Christian is it compulsory to pay bride price?

📖If the family of the bride are asking for bride price then you are to pay – Jacob served for 14 years for Rachel; Jesus paid the price for the church

❓ How do I get to trust my husband back again because he had a dirty chat with someone and since then I have been trying so hard to trust him again even though it was just a chat nothing more?

📖What you are feeling is normal. Even if it was “just a chat,” emotional or sexual conversations with someone outside the marriage can feel like a betrayal because trust and exclusivity were affected. Trust doesn’t return simply because the behaviour stopped; it returns through consistent safety over time.

1. Trust is not forced — it is rebuilt.

2. Trust grows from three things (not just apologies)
For trust to return, three elements normally need to be present:
a. Genuine responsibility from him
Not minimising it as “just chatting,” but understanding why it hurt you.
You need to feel that he understands:
• why it crossed a boundary
• how it affected you emotionally.

b. HE SHOULD BE WILLINGLY TO SHARE INFORMATION WITHOUT ASKING NOT GIVING ANY ROOM FOR SUSPICION
• being willing to answer questions
• openness with phone/social media if needed
• reassurance without defensiveness.
Transparency reduces anxiety while trust heals.

c. Consistency over time
Trust returns when behaviour stays safe repeatedly.
There is no shortcut here — time and consistency rebuild confidence.

3. What you can do (without blaming yourself)
• Allow yourself to acknowledge the hurt honestly.
• Separate past action from present behaviour.
• Notice when he is acting trustworthy now.
A helpful internal question is:
“Is he currently giving me reasons to distrust him, or am I reacting to the past?”
This helps your mind slowly update its sense of safety.

4. Important boundary to understand
Forgiveness and trust are not the same.
• Forgiveness is a decision you make.
• Trust is something rebuilt through experience.
You can forgive and still need time before you feel secure again.

biblical perspective
Scripture speaks about restoration through truth and patience:
“Love… keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
This does not mean pretending nothing happened — it means not continually reopening the wound once change is evident.

And also:
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)
Healing in marriage usually requires patience from both sides.

❓Is it ideal to go through your spouse’s phone?

📖What’s the motive for doing so; this can be an indication of lack of trust so you need to explore what the real issues are and address them.

❓ I have witnessed how gambling can harm lives, yet I have also seen people profit from it, over the short term. Some of my family members are now involved in various forms of gambling, including sports betting and lotteries. I find myself uncertain about where to stand, the Bible doesn’t explicitly mention gambling, and I lack clear evidence to label it as good or bad, even though my instincts tell me it’s harmful. What’s also worth noting is that most gambling platforms and companies restrict participation to those over 18, which suggests even they recognize the potential risks involved. To complicate things further, investments like crypto and forex sometimes appear similar. How can I discern the right approach from a biblical and practical perspective? Is it okay or is it the addiction to it that is bad?

📖Although the Bible does not directly mention gambling as a word, but we can apply biblical principles:

Scripture encourages
• Diligence and honest gain
“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance.” (Proverbs 21:5)
• Faithful stewardship
“It is required in stewards that one be found faithful.” (1 Corinthians 4:2)
• Self-control and freedom
“I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12)

Scripture warns against
• Love of money or quick gain (1 Timothy 6:10)
• Activities that enslave or harm others
• Decisions that undermine responsibility or peace

Gambling itself is not explicitly mentioned in Scripture, but it is often unwise because it easily leads to greed, poor stewardship, and loss of control. The real issue is the heart, the motive, and the effect.
Occasional, controlled participation is not the same as addiction. But because gambling is designed to encourage repeated risk, therefore it is advisable to choose to avoid it altogether for wisdom’s sake.

Gambling vs Crypto/Forex (Short Distinction)
• Investment: value-based, long-term, disciplined.
• Gambling: chance-based, excitement-driven, short-term.

Investment becomes gambling when:
• emotions drive decisions,
• risk exceeds wisdom,
• or it becomes compulsive.

❓Where’s the line between being a loving spouse and being overprotective especially when it involves interactions with the opposite sex?

📖This is a very common and delicate issue in marriage — wanting to protect your spouse and your marriage without crossing into control or overprotection. The key is balance, trust, and wisdom.

1. The Difference Between Loving Protection and Overprotection
Loving Protection
• Motivated by care and respect for your spouse
• Encourages healthy boundaries without isolating your spouse
• Supports your spouse’s freedom while maintaining moral and spiritual standards
• Communicates concerns calmly and respectfully
• Builds trust and security

Overprotection / Control
• Motivated by fear, insecurity, or suspicion
• Dictates who they can talk to, where they can go, or how they feel
• Tries to control feelings, thoughts, or independent choices
• Uses accusations, threats, or guilt to enforce rules
• Creates tension, resentment, and secrecy

Key principle:
You can guide, caution, and advise without trying to own or control their interactions.

2. Signs You Might Be Overprotective
• You check their phone, messages, or social media constantly
• You demand explanations for innocent interactions
• You question every opposite-sex friendship or conversation
• You feel anxious whenever they’re around other people
• You discourage normal social interaction or friendships
• You try to manipulate or guilt them into acting a certain way
Overprotection often comes from fear or insecurity, not love.

3. How to Protect the Marriage Without Controlling Your Spouse
A. Set Boundaries Together
• Agree on what’s acceptable in interactions with the opposite sex
• Decide what communication or social behaviour is healthy
• Make it mutual, not one-sided

B. Communicate Your Feelings, Not Demands
Instead of:
“You cannot talk to him, it’s wrong!”
Try:
“I feel uncomfortable when you spend long hours chatting privately with another man. Can we talk about it?”
• Focus on your feelings rather than their actions.
• Speak calmly and without accusation.

C. Build Trust
• Trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage
• Assume good intentions unless there’s clear evidence otherwise
• Overprotection usually signals lack of trust, which drives

secrecy and conflict D. Focus on Your Own Actions
• Strengthen your own character, faith, and boundaries
• Show your spouse why your relationship is secure and loving
• Avoid trying to “control” what they do; influence through love and integrity instead

E. Pray Together
• Pray for wisdom and protection in your marriage
• Pray for healthy relationships with others
• Pray for discernment in interactions with the opposite sex

❓Good day, I have been in the UK for a while, my Dad doesn't know where I am, and everyday it hurts me still that I can't talk to him about me, he use to be a believer and went to join a cult and brought calabash with cowrie in it to the house, he stopped going to church, he's a great man outside but not at home, I grew up to that and up till today he's not changing, I have prayed and prayed, but really concerned, and wish that God touches his heart someday, because it is really affecting I am no sibling's, I don't really have a relationship my Dad, and it hurts me so bad, because I have made some wrong decisions because I couldn't talk to him and he has never cared, he's becoming worse on a daily, and this is really affecting me, my sibling's calls to tell me thing's he ‘doing, and I just keep begging God to please touch his heart, he's not changing and he is a lot of trouble for us, I am tired.

📖WE can feel your pain and Jesus can as well and the answers to your prayers for your dad will manifest now IJN. E.G Praying for my dad’s salvation.
Please seek support from the church leadership there is help here for you; don’t carry the burden alone.

❓If the woman is the helper to the man, who then helps the woman?

📖Who helps the woman?
1. GOD – her ultimate source of strength and comfort.
2. HER HUSBAND – who is commanded to love, support, protect, and nurture her.
3. HER COMMUNITY – trusted women, mentors, and spiritual family.
4. HER PURPOSE – which stabilizes and fulfills her.
5. HER OWN VOICE & BOUNDARIES – which protect her well-being.
You are a helper — but you are not help-less.

A Woman’s SECOND Helper Is Her HUSBAND
Marriage is mutual help, not one-directional help.
Yes, the woman helps the man.
But the man is also commanded to:
• love her sacrificially
• protect her
• nurture her
• honor her
• understand her
• support her
• lead her with gentleness
• give himself for her (Ephesians 5:25–29)

A godly husband is a covering, not a burden.
So the idea that “women help men and men don’t help women” is false and unbiblical.
A husband should:
• strengthen her
• comfort her
• build her
• guide her
• pray for her
• support her emotionally
• partner with her in life
A man who only receives help but never gives help is not following Christ.

A Woman Is Also Helped by Her COMMUNITY
God places support around women through:
• mentors
• sisters in Christ
• trusted spiritual leaders
• friends
• family
Women thrive in community, not isolation.

❓How can you move on from someone you love whom you’ve been in a relationship with but has now broken up, and see them almost every day, as you still love this person?

📖Moving on from someone you love — especially when you see them almost every day — is one of the hardest emotional and spiritual challenges a person can face. You are not weak for struggling. You’re human, and your heart is still healing. But healing is possible, and there is a path forward. Below is a practical, emotional, and spiritual guide you can follow.

1. Acknowledge the Truth: Healing Comes in Waves
- You can love someone and still need to move on from them.
- You can see them daily and still heal.
- Your feelings don’t mean you’re stuck — they mean you’re human.
- Don’t rush yourself, but don’t lie to yourself either.

2. Emotionally Detach Without Becoming Bitter
Emotional detachment doesn’t mean hate.
It doesn’t mean pretending they don’t exist.
It means shifting from:
• “We” to “Me”
• “Us” to “God and I”
• “Our future” to “My healing”
You can be civil, respectful, and warm — but no longer available emotionally.
This is not punishment.
It’s protection.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries (Quietly, Not Dramatically)
Seeing them every day makes healing slower but not impossible.
Start to:
• Limit emotional conversations
• Avoid private settings
• Reduce unnecessary communication
• Stop giving mixed signals
• Avoid reminiscing
• Avoid playing “best friends” while your heart is bleeding
Distance is medicine, not cruelty.

4. Feel the Pain Instead of Suppressing It
Suppressed pain doesn’t disappear — it waits.
- Cry when you need to.
- Write.
- Pray.
- Talk to a trusted friend.
Healing requires honesty.

5. Remove the Romantic Lens
Right now, when you see them, you see:
• memories
• what you hoped for
• what you miss
• what you still love
But try to also see:
• the incompatibilities
• the pain you experienced
• why the relationship ended
• what wasn’t working
• what you deserve
Love without truth keeps people stuck.
Truth sets people free.

6. Stop Feeding The Attachment
If you want a wound to close, you stop touching it.
So stop feeding your emotional attachment by:
• Checking their social media
• Replaying old texts
• Keeping romantic photos
• Listening to “your” songs nightly
• Fantasizing about getting back together
Every time you feed the attachment, you reopen the wound.

7. Allow Yourself to Become a New Version of You
- Breakups can shift your identity.
- The goal is not to return to who you were before.
- The goal is to become stronger, clearer, wiser.
Rediscover:
• your hobbies
• your friendships
• your purpose
• your voice
• your spiritual rhythm
You’re not healing from him only — you’re healing back to yourself.

8. Lean Into God, Not the Memory
Bring your pain into God’s presence:
• “Lord, detach my heart from what no longer belongs to me. Heal me, strengthen me, redirect me.”
The Holy Spirit is the ultimate heart surgeon.
He won’t rush you — but He will restore you.

9. See Them Daily – But With a New Focus
Instead of thinking:
• “I lost them,”
shift to
• “God is healing me.”
• “This season is for my growth.”
• “I’m stronger than my feelings.”
When you see them:
• breathe
• stay calm
• keep interactions neutral
• don’t over-engage
• don’t chase emotional closure
• don’t read into their behaviour
You’re not avoiding — you’re detaching.

10. Replace the Space They Occupied
You once shaped parts of your life around them.
Now fill that same space with:
• self-care
• growth
• meaningful friendships
• purpose
• healing
• new routines
• new identity
You’re not losing something — you’re gaining yourself back.

11. Give Yourself Permission to Let Go
Sometimes you love someone deeply, but they are not God’s best for you.
- Letting go is not losing.
- Letting go is choosing peace.
Tell yourself:
• “I deserve a love that stays.”
• “I’m allowed to move on.”
• “I’m allowed to heal.”
• “I’m allowed to choose my future.”

One day you will see them and feel:
• no pain
• no longing
• no ache
• just calm neutrality

❓Most of the time talk about men finding a wife. How does a woman know who to choose since God doesn't choose for people? What is the guide for ladies who have several people finding them?

📖Please kindly go to watch the relationship programme program in October 2025 on CLC YouTube channel as you will find answers to as many questions as you may have on choosing or finding a man or woman to marry.

God does not pick spouses for us — but He gives wisdom, principles, discernment, and red flags to guide us.
A woman is not meant to sit passively while men choose her.
A wise woman discerns whom she should accept.
1. Understand the Principle: “He finds you, but YOU decide.”
Proverbs doesn’t say:
• “She who is found by any man becomes a wife.”
• “Every man who finds you is the right man.”
It simply shows a pattern:
• Men pursue
• Women discern
• God gives wisdom
So yes — he finds, but you choose with wisdom.

2. God Doesn’t Choose for You — He Guides Your Decision
God won’t drop a name from heaven.
But He will give:
• peace or lack of peace
• wisdom
• discernment
• signs of character
• inner witness
• red flags
• counsel
• confirmation through patterns
So God won’t say, “Marry John,” but He will show you:
• John’s true nature
• whether your spirits align
• whether his life direction fits yours
• whether he is safe or harmful
Your job is to observe and discern.
His job is to pursue.
God’s job is to guide.

3. Evaluate the Man’s Character
• A man can look spiritually strong but lack character.
Here are the real tests:
i. His relationship with God
• Not church attendance — his lifestyle.
ii. His identity and stability
• Does he know who he is?
• Is he wounded, insecure, unstable?
iii. His life direction
• Where is he going?
• Does his future align with yours?
iv. His integrity
• Does his life match his words?
v. His emotional maturity
• Does he handle anger, pressure, disappointment wisely?
vi. His responsibility
• Does he work, plan, save, think long-term?
vii. His consistency
• A double-man is a danger.
A kingdom woman needs a man with formation, not just feelings.

4. Evaluate How He Treats You
A man’s love is seen in:
• respect
• clarity
• honour
• consistency
• responsibility
• intentionality
Ask yourself:
• “Do I feel valued with him?”
• “Do I feel safe?”
• “Do I feel emotionally stable around him?”
• “Do I feel seen, respected, and honoured?”
A woman should never marry into confusion.
The Holy Spirit guides through peace.
If you have to:
• justify his behaviour
• make excuses for him
• guess his intentions
• chase him
• lose your dignity
• lower your standards
…he’s not the one.

6. Look for Alignment in 5 Key Areas
A kingdom relationship requires agreement in:
i. Faith
ii. Values
iii. Vision
iv. Purpose
vi. Lifestyle
If he pulls you away from God, peace, or purpose — walk away.

7. Red Flags You Must Never Ignore
• Anger issues
• Lack of self-control
• Lies, secrets, excuses
• Spiritual apathy
• Dishonesty
• Addiction
• Immaturity
• Emotional manipulation
• Inconsistent pursuit
• No accountability
• Jealousy or controlling behaviour
• Disrespect
Red flags ignored become heartbreak later.

8. Look for the Fruit of the Spirit, Not the Gift of the Spirit
Many men can:
• pray loudly
• quote scripture
• preach
• speak in tongues
But only a few show:
• love
• gentleness
• patience
• faithfulness
• self-control
Fruit is more reliable than gifts.

9. Practical Questions to Ask Yourself
• Can I trust him when I’m vulnerable?
• Does he bring out the best version of me?
• Does he lead with humility or ego?
• Can he love me the way Christ loves the church?
• Will he be a good father?
• Can we build a peaceful home together?
• Does my spirit feel settled with him?
Your peace is God’s signal.

10. When Several Men Are Approaching You
Here’s the filter:
i. Eliminate the clearly wrong ones immediately.
• Don’t entertain confusion.
ii. Observe their pursuit.
• Does he pursue you with consistency, clarity, and honour?
iii. Watch their character over time.
• A man can fake spirituality, but not consistency.
iv. Seek counsel from mature, unbiased people.
• People who know you and are Spirit-led.
v. Pay attention to your peace.
• Peace lasts.
• Charm fades.
• Chemistry fades.
• Only character and alignment remain.
Summary: “How should a woman choose a husband?”
Choose the man who:
• Has proven character
• Fears God and honours you
• Is consistent in his pursuit
• Protects your peace, dignity, and purpose
• Aligns with your future
• Brings out stability, not anxiety
• Is emotionally mature and spiritually grounded
• Chooses you clearly, not casually
And finally:
Choose the man your spirit settles with — not the one your emotions chase.

❓I recently noticed that my wife has been entertaining a male friend whom she’s been comparing unreasonably. I have tried everything and am still trying my best to be the best husband any good lady would ask for. She has been frustrating my efforts to make our marriage work, and I am right now in a tight situation right now. We are married and blessed with a child.

📖Please kindly speak to the pastorate so that we can have further details to be able to help. From what you have said you’ve been trying, giving, adjusting, striving to be a good husband — yet you feel compared, dismissed, and emotionally sidelined. That kind of pain is deep, especially when you’re doing everything you can for your marriage and for your child.

1. Her comparison to another man is a serious red flag
Any time a married person:
• entertains a close opposite-sex “friend”
• compares their spouse to that person
• becomes emotionally drawn to them
• becomes frustrated with their spouse

…it points to emotional infidelity, even if nothing physical has happened.
Emotional affairs often start with:
• Complaining about the spouse to someone else
• Sharing private feelings with an outsider
• Admiring or idealising the other person
• Comparing the spouse negatively
This slowly breaks the emotional bond of the marriage.

2. Avoid reacting in anger — but don’t be silent either
Silence can feel like weakness to a spouse who’s drifting emotionally.
You need a calm, clear conversation:
“I’ve noticed you are getting close to someone you compare me with.
It hurts and it is affecting our marriage.
I’m committed to us, but your actions are making it difficult for me to feel safe and valued.
Can we talk honestly about what’s going on?”
Calm. Direct. No shouting. No accusations. Just truth.

3. Pay attention to her response
Her response will tell you A LOT:
If she becomes defensive, angry, or dismissive…
- It means she is emotionally invested in the friendship.
If she lies or hides things…
- It means she knows the relationship is inappropriate.
If she listens, acknowledges, and takes action…
- There is hope for rebuilding trust — if both of you work on it.

4. You may need boundaries
You are not trying to control her, but you are protecting your marriage.
Reasonable boundaries include:
• No private or intimate chats with male friends
• No comparisons
• No emotional secrecy
• Transparency about friendships
Boundaries protect bonds.

5. Consider a mediator or counsellor
When emotions are high and trust is shaky, conversations easily become arguments.
A neutral party — a counsellor, pastor, or trained elder — can help both sides
speak honestly and safely.
This is especially important because you have a child, and the emotional climate of the home affects the child too.

You need support too:
• Someone you can talk to
• Time to think clearly
• Space to breathe
• Emotional grounding
Because if you break down, everything becomes worse.

❓He is a child of GOD. He is genuinely caring and always pushes me to be better. He always wakes me up and prepares for work here. He prays with me and advises me. He gives me without asking and is ready to help out. Do you think he is the one for me? He brings peace in all forms and makes me happy. But I don’t like the fact that he is on the big side. Apart from that, he is kind and is waiting for me to answer him. I am scared of marrying wrongly. What should I do?

📖Pray and ask God to speak to you about him as God is omniscient what may be hidden to human eyes are bare before God so be open and honest with God in prayer and maybe add fasting and be sensitive in your spirit to get what God says. Perfect love cast out fears; once you have the conviction from God your fears will be gone. Please also go and watch the relationship programme by the youth for October 2025 on CLC youtube page as you will find elaborated counsel on choosing who to marry in that video.

❓Would you advise forgiveness if your partner cheated on you twice and claimed it was a mistake, and now she’s begging and asking for forgiveness, but I don’t think I can forgive her or have anything to do with a woman who consciously cheated, as my whole feelings and body feel irritated by her presence or touch?

📖Cheating once can be called a mistake — twice is becoming a pattern
A “mistake” usually comes with:
• immediate remorse
• changed behaviour
• honest confession

Cheating twice means:
• she risked the relationship knowingly
• she disregarded your emotional safety
• the behaviour was repeated despite knowing it would hurt you
That’s not a slip — it’s a decision.
Hence Your reaction is completely valid. Being cheated on — especially twice — creates a deep emotional and physical response. What you’re describing isn’t “anger”; it’s betrayal trauma, and the irritation or even disgust you feel in her presence is a natural protective reaction and you need God’s grace to heal and not stay irritable and disgusted at her sight as this is not healthy for you and for your own sake.

Forgiveness is still possible as you heal from the trauma; but you will need the help of the Holy Spirit greatly to GO THROUGH this process.
• Forgiveness is something /or grace that you can choose to give during the process of your healing for your own peace.
• Reconciliation is also possible - rebuilding a relationship with someone who broke your trust — requires willingness, safety, and desire on your part.
It is advisable you forgive for your own benefit, and your health so you don’t become bitter as bitterness kills it’s carrier not the person you are bitter against. Depending on her reasons and whether she is remorseful and willing and actively putting boundaries in place for herself to ensure that this is never repeated may be helpful to your journey to forgiveness and reconciliation if you are willing to.
- Forgiveness can’t be forced.
- Healing can’t be rushed.
- Trust cannot be commanded back by tears or begging.
You’re allowed to have time and space to process, make decision and be willing to forgive and rebuild trust if she is genuinely repentant.

❓What do you do as a husband when your legally married wife, whom you never dated, and after being married, decided to live with her family and doesn’t want to live with her husband? Saying “She’s afraid to live with a man and afraid not to get the same kind of love her family gave her?”

📖There are issues with the starting and foundation and preparation of the two of you for this marriage but that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost and that the marriage will fail but you now need to start to lay the right foundation by seeking marriage counselling from the church and as long as two of you are open and willing to work with the guidance that you will be provided you can turn things around and all fears, doubts and

❓I just found out that my husband is planning to travel to another country without informing me. He has already started his visa application process. We are legally married, but he hasn’t paid my bride price yet. Should I confront him about it, or how should I approach the situation?

📖A situation like this can feel shocking, confusing, and even hurtful. How you approach it matters, and you deserve clarity, honesty, and respect in your marriage. Let’s break this down gently and wisely.

1. Yes, you should address it — but how you do it is important Finding out that your husband is making major life plans (like traveling abroad) without informing you is a serious communication issue, regardless of whether bride price has been paid or not.
But confrontation (attacking, accusing, or reacting emotionally) may close him off. Instead, aim for a calm, clear, direct conversation. Something like:
“I recently learned that you’re preparing to travel abroad. I felt surprised and hurt that I wasn’t told. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
This keeps the conversation respectful while still addressing the issue.

2. Separate two issues:
(a) His secret travel plans
This is about trust, communication, and transparency in your marriage.
A husband should not be making major decisions in secret.
(b) The bride price
Bride price affects:
• cultural expectations
• family recognition
• how secure you feel
• how seriously the marriage is being honoured
But legally, you are married, so the travel issue is still relevant even if bride price isn’t complete.
You can calmly express:
“Not paying the bride price makes me feel uncertain at times, and decisions like this amplify that. I want us to be a united team.”

3. Don’t accuse—seek understanding first
It’s possible he:
• planned to tell you later
• is afraid you might not support his plans
• is overwhelmed or acting impulsively
• has financial pressures he hasn’t shared
• is hiding something (which you need to know)
You won’t know the truth unless you give him a chance to speak honestly.
Go in with curiosity, not accusation.

4. Prepare yourself emotionally before talking
Before the conversation, ask yourself:
• What exactly am I afraid of?
• What do I need from him going forward?
• What outcome do I want from this conversation?
When you know your own feelings, you’ll communicate more clearly.

5. Protect yourself, too
Sometimes secret travel plans can be:
• a sign of responsibility issues
• an attempt to leave without explanation
• or simply poor communication
If his explanation is evasive, dismissive, or disrespectful, you may need to involve:
• a trusted family elder
• a marriage counsellor – your pastor
• or your own support system
Marriage doesn’t mean tolerating secrecy or being kept in the dark.

6. Approach him privately and at the right time
Pick a time when:
• he’s calm
• you’re calm
• there are no distractions
• you’re not rushing
Avoid confronting him in anger or in front of others.

7. What about the bride price?
Bride price not being paid can weaken the sense of security and respect between families.
You can say:
“When decisions are made without telling me, and the bride price is still unpaid, it makes me feel unrecognised and unprotected. I want us to address this together.”
This expresses your feelings without attacking his character.

8. Watch how he responds
His reaction will tell you a lot about:
• his intentions
• his respect for your marriage
• whether he values partnership
• whether he is hiding something
A loving husband may be surprised, apologetic, open, and willing to explain.
A dismissive or defensive reaction might indicate deeper issues.

❓I am in a relationship with a guy that I know loves me, but I really don't love him, maybe because of the distance. Is it normal? What can I do to make it better?

📖We are wondering if this is a Christian relationship; if you don’t love him why are you in the relationship, what do you want from the relationship? What do you want to make better?

Please we will advice that you seek pastoral counselling where you can share more fully about this relationship in a safe space and be able to make well informed decision in respect of this relationship.

❓If two unbelievers marry and one later accepts Christ. What are some tips for them to have a Christ-like marriage?

📖When one spouse becomes a believer after marriage, the relationship enters a new season — beautiful, but sometimes challenging. The good news is that Scripture speaks directly to this situation, and many couples thrive spiritually and relationally with the right mindset.

Below are some practical, compassionate, real-world tips for cultivating a Christ-like marriage when only one partner is a believer:

1. Let Your Life Be the Sermon (1 Peter 3:1–2) Scripture’s instruction is gentle and wise:
“…that they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” Or husband as the case maybe Your peace, kindness, patience, and love will speak louder than arguments, pressure, or debates. Practically:
• Don’t nag about church attendance or spiritual matters.
• Live in a way that shows the joy Christ is producing in you.
• Be calm where you used to be reactive.
• Apologize quickly and sincerely.
• Show consistent love, not religious pressure.

2. Prioritize Unity
It’s normal to want your spouse to share your faith — but right now, the goal is to stay united, not identical.
• Discussing your new faith in a non-threatening way
• Explaining what Christ means to you, not what your spouse “should” do
• Finding shared values (love, loyalty, forgiveness, peace) that connect to Christian principles
These builds trust rather than resistance.

3. Respect Their Spiritual Journey
Give them space to process. Their story with God is between them and God. You can be part of it without controlling it.

4. Keep Loving Them as Your Covenant Partner
Becoming a Christian doesn’t give you a “higher” status in the marriage.
Show your spouse:
• Warmth
• Honour
• Compassion
• Humility
• Partnership
Jesus never loved people conditionally — and that same unconditional love is your greatest witness.

5. Pray for Them, Not About Them
Prayer is powerful and protects your heart from resentment.
Pray for:
• Their peace and well-being
• Their protection
• Their joy
• Their eventual encounter with God (in God’s timing)
• Your own gentleness, wisdom, and patience
Avoid prayers like: “Lord, make them change now so my life is easier.”

6. Keep Growing Spiritually Without Leaving Them Behind
It’s good to go to church, pray, and grow, but balance is key.
Healthy approach:
• Keep your spiritual disciplines
• Share your faith only when they’re open to hearing
• Involve them in church social events, not just services
• Protect your date nights, hobbies, and shared time
Your spouse shouldn’t feel replaced by your church life.

7. Set a Christ-like Tone in Conflict
This is one of the biggest areas where your transformation becomes visible.
Practice:
• Slow speech, slow anger
• Quick forgiveness
• Owning your mistakes
• Avoiding sarcasm and harsh words
• Listening actively
A home filled with gentleness and peace is deeply compelling.

8. Love Them Completely — Not Because You’re “Supposed To,” but Because Christ Loves You
A Christ-like marriage isn’t primarily about rules.
It’s about letting Jesus shape how you treat your spouse.
The more you become like Christ:
• the more patient you become
• the more secure you become
• the less easily offended you are
• the more joy and stability you bring to the relationship
And that can soften even the hardest heart.

9. Remember: God Is Not Disappointed in Your Marriage
1 Corinthians 7 makes it clear:
• Your marriage is holy.
• Your spouse is not “unbelieving defilement.”
• God can work powerfully in your home.
God honours the covenant you already made.

10. Trust God With the Part You Cannot Control
• You cannot convert your spouse.
• You cannot force spiritual growth.
• You cannot rush God’s timing.
What you can do:
• Love well
• Grow in Christ personally
• Make your home a place of peace, not pressure
• Trust God to move in quiet, unexpected ways

❓We were told during service that oral sex is not allowed. This is something my husband enjoys and asks of me frequently. I explained to him why it is not allowed but he now says that the church is now interfering in our sex life. Before, it was no sex before marriage, now there is limitations to what we can do. Please help, what should I do now?

📖Now to the question about oral sex; it will be more helpful to understand what you are referring to as oral sex and people tend to categorise different things as oral sex and we would really want to clarify what activities you are referring to as oral sex and what you believe the church is not in line with our faith so please we will advice that you seek pastoral counsel for clarity together as this might just be that what your husband is asking for is not classed as oral sex and we would want to explain things more clearly so you both understand that this is not the church wanting to control your marriage but Help you discuss intimacy in a safer, calmer environment.

Please If your husband resists seeking counsel together, you can still seek guidance and clarity on your own by seeking time to discuss this with the pastorate. We will be happy to help as we want both of you to enjoy your marriage to the maximum capacity.

There is more than one issue in this question; one issue is this man seeing doing God’s words as limitations which is not right; if we are indeed God’s children and we know our father loves us everything He asks us to do or not to do is for our good and blessings not for His benefit.

If anyone is finding living by God’s word – which is obeying God’s instructions and counsel as grievous then they need a renewed mindset about their view of God’s word.

1John5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

The truth is Obeying God's commands is not a heavy, oppressive task. This is because genuine love for God makes obedience a desire, and believers are empowered by a new heart and God's grace to follow them. God's commandments are seen as wise guidelines for a fulfilling life, not as painful restrictions or limitations, and are a lighter load compared to the alternative of sin and its consequences.

❓Ma, praise God for life, I am being blessed by the testimony of your life since you started towards your 55th birthday. You have known God for 40years. Have you ever backslided? If no, what are the things that have kept you?

📖BY GOD’S GRACE NO I haven’t backslidden before and I trust in His love to keep me on fire for Him until Jesus returns IJN.
- Personal devotion – ring fence my devotion time with God – this includes – my worship time, prayer (particularly praying in the Holy Ghost), studying of the word and loving to do the word, therefore I receive grace from God daily – I use to feel sad a lot maybe what is now known as depression now, because of the abusive environment I grew up in and I will be jovial in school, when home just with my mum and siblings will be happy and jovial but once my dad comes into the picture, it’s a different ball game but when I became born again at 15 I discovered that when I worship and praise God which I have always enjoyed doing either in my closet privately or in church there’s an atmosphere of God’s presence created and I overflow with joy – so the depression disappeared since then and forever- so through all the stages of my life by God’s grace I have enjoyed the joy of the H/G and will until Jesus returns

- Choosing to love God – preferring God to anyone else or anything else; TRUSTING IN HIS LOVE EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE NOT WORKING
- Choosing to deny myself and taking up my cross daily to follow Him
- Choosing not to do what is lawful but the things that are expedient
- Choosing to serve God consistently with passion through all stages of my life
- And all the things I have been sharing in making Jesus known through the testimony of my life and more but majorly it is because I have chosen to love God and submit my will to the Holy Spirit.

❓Can a dream be a pointer to whom to marry?

📖Yes, but with caution. God may use a dream as a confirmation, warning, or pointer. But it should never be the sole basis for marriage decisions.

• A dream must always be tested: • Does it align with God’s Word? (Isaiah 8:20) • Does it bring peace, not fear or confusion? (Philippians 4:6–7) • Does it agree with wise counsel and real-life evidence of godly character?
Balanced Guidance
• Dreams may inspire you to pray more about someone, but the final confirmation must come from God’s Word, His Spirit, and wise counsel.
• Marriage is too important to be built only on a dream—it must rest on love, commitment, faith, and God’s guidance in everyday reality.
A dream can be a pointer, but not a decider. Use it as a call to pray, seek counsel, and discern God’s will carefully. The ultimate guide is God’s Word and Spirit, not just what you see in sleep.

❓Is it just ok for a husband and wife to sleep in separate rooms for any reason, even if one of them snores sometimes?

📖It is not wrong for a husband and wife to sleep in separate rooms occasionally for practical reasons (like snoring), but it should never replace marital closeness. What matters most is mutual agreement, communication, and protecting intimacy—because the bed in marriage is not just for rest, but also for bonding. If snoring is the only reason for wanting to sleep in separate rooms then you can also seek medical help to resolve the snoring.

❓I once heard a pastor say that God does not choose a marriage partner for you. Is this true?

📖Yes, God stopped giving after he gave to Adam and he got blamed for it; it is he that finds a wife that the bible says but definitely God will guide you in the process of the finding if you ask him to and we strongly advise that you ask him as this is wisdom.

❓I don’t have feelings for any man again because I have been hurt severely even when I try my best to forgive. The circle keep repeating itself?

📖This is a statement not a question. However, please there are good men in the body of Christ; also there would be many reasons why this person may always be attracting the wrong kind of men; one of it could be because she has not made herself right as well and she needs to do more with working to her herself right and part of this will be identifying the right man with the help of the holy spirit not choosing by sight or by feelings only.

Please this person should contact the pastorate so they can be supported to access mentoring through the church’s mentoring system that is starting off fully by July 2025. Lots of work are currently ongoing in preparing the mentors and matching them to those who have indicated interest to be mentored in different aspects of life so please take advantage of this divine provision in your church and end this circle of hurt for yourself – this mentoring system is for the blessing of all members of CLC so please everyone should take advantage of this and be blessed to be a blessing continually.

❓I used to be happy when I came to church, but now I feel sad inside. I've tried hard to regain that happiness and have prayed as well. What should I do?

📖This question raises more questions – what has happened to this individual that took away their happiness; they said when I came to church I used to be happy? Has there been a gap that they did not come to church and they lost their happiness and now they are back in church but they are struggling to flow back into the joy of God’s presence because of what they have gotten themselves into when they stayed away from God’s presence. For no one appears before God regularly in church and actively engage with all aspects of the service and go back not blessed, lifted and full of joy in CLC – for in the presence of God there is fullness of joy and at his right hand there are pleasure for evermore.

❓How can I rekindle my love for my husband. He has hurt me over time with his words and his actions, now I feel nothing. I am here for the sake of our children.

📖This woman would need to speak to counsellor /pastor please to help her to identify if she is a talking about domestic abuse – by saying hurt me over time with his words and his actions. If she has been hurt over time with his words and actions – this means she has been emotionally and perhaps physically assaulted by her husband, and she is still being treated this way as she says she is still here for the sake of their children. So clearly this is a serious domestic violence situation:

• Please dear woman know that your children are also victims of your husband words and actions – even if those words and actions are not towards them directly but seeing and hearing the negative words and actions of their father towards you means that they are also suffering abuse and this is impacting negatively on their lives currently and could have greater negative impact on their own emotional and behavioural development as well.

• So dear woman you are really not doing any good to your children if you remain in this situation and do nothing to protect them and yourself by removing yourself and your children from such a toxic situation so that the man can then get help for himself to make positive changes to his behaviour.

• Dear woman you cannot rekindle your love for the man who has subjected you to abuse for a long time and he is still abusing you emotionally and perhaps physically – because you are already broken, bruised and wounded over the years that you actually really need help to recognise what you are going through is abuse; you will need to repaired emotionally and psychologically, you will need to heal, regain yourself, be restored so you can develop the capacity to love the right way but the abuse needs to end first before all these can start.

• Please dear woman speak to the pastorate so you can be helped and supported to start the process to end this domestic suffering for your children and yourself and allow the man to seek for, actively engage and be fully committed to the help that he seriously needs for modify his behaviour. Please don’t be quiet and die due to the abuse or loose your mind and end up committing suicide or end up in the mental health hospital.

• There is lots of help and support the church can offer you and also connect you to access to protect your children and yourself from this situation. We pray that you will act on this advice before it is too late as for some women it can become too late when they loose their lives in the relationship.

Children who witness domestic abuse are at risk of both short and long-term physical and mental health problems. Every child will be affected differently to the trauma of domestic abuse.

Short-term effects of domestic abuse:

For young children this can include:

• Bed-wetting.
• Increased sensitivity and crying.
• Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep.
• Separation anxiety.

For school aged children this can include:

• A loss of drive to participate in activities and school.
• Lower grades in school.
• Feeling guilty and to blame for the abuse happening to them. • Getting into trouble more often.
• Physical signs such as headaches and stomach aches.

For teenagers this can include:

• Acting out in negative ways such as missing school or fighting with family members.
• Having low self-esteem.
• Finding it difficult to make friends.
• Engaging in risky behaviours such as using alcohol and other drugs.

Long-term effects of domestic abuse:

• Mental health problems, such as becoming anxious or depressed. Low mental health can also lead to big impacts on physical health, including self-harm or developing an eating disorder.
• Having a lowered sense of self-worth.
• Using alcohol and other drugs as unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Repeating behaviours seen in their domestic setting.
Since the domestic abuse act 2021, children that have been exposed to domestic abuse are now recognised as victims of domestic abuse in their own right, rather than just witnesses.

❓Would you say this person loved you if they had intimate relations with someone else in the space of a month after we both broke up?

📖The truth it is likely that the person doesn’t love you and doesn’t love the new person. It also seems that this is not a Christian relationship so we would advise that you both give your heart fully to Jesus so you can experience God’s love and also learn to love the lord and others. This is critical for you in finding the right person eventually.

❓Is it safe to fall in love with someone that you met just within 5 days.

📖Please there is a difference between love and infatuation or crushing on somebody; so it is not possible to fall in love with someone you barely know; you are just possibly attracted to the person and falling in love can come later on.

❓I'm in a relationship with a Christian brother who says there's nothing wrong with us kissing, petting etc as long as we don't have sex. What should I do.

📖If it is a Christian relationship then it must be done in a Christian kingdom way. This means you should both agree to do the relationship in God’s way following the biblical principles of no sexual intimacy until you are married. Kissing, petting etc are pathways to having sex and they are not to be done except within the marriage context.

So please make this clear to the brother that you are not to engage in such activities; that is not what courtship or relationship before marriage is meant for. If they persist then please go to speak to your pastor who will be able to provide you guidance on what next to do.

❓I'm in a relationship with a Christian brother who says there's nothing wrong with us kissing, petting etc as long as we don't have sex. What should I do.

❓How can couples manage shared finances wisely while maintaining trust and preventing misuse, given that one partner may overspend or hide financial decisions.

📖1. Both partners must agree that transparency is not control — it’s care.
• Talk openly about financial habits, goals, debts, fears, and
• Keep a shared budget and review it together regularly (e.g., monthly).

💬 2. Communicate about money regularly.
• Create a monthly “money meeting” where both spouses:
• Review expenses and savings
• Discuss upcoming costs or concerns
• Pray together over your finances
This isn’t just bookkeeping — it reinforces unity, like in amos 3:3: “can two walk together unless they are agreed?”

🧩 3. Assign roles, but maintain mutual access
• It’s okay if one partner is more detail-oriented and manages the day-to-day.
• However, both must have full access to all accounts and decisions.
• Avoid the mindset of “you handle it so i don’t need to know.” That can lead to imbalance and temptation.

🛡 4. Build in gentle accountability • Set a mutual spending threshold — e.g., “we’ll talk before either spends over £100.”
• Use shared tools like budgeting apps (e.g., ynab, everydollar, or even a google sheet).
• Reassure each other: “this isn’t control; it’s protection — for both of us.”

🛠 5. Address financial red flags with grace and truth
If one partner begins overspending, hiding purchases, or mismanaging money:
• Approach with humility and grace: “help me understand what’s going on — i’m feeling uneasy, and i want us to stay united.”
• Avoid blame, but be firm about the impact.
• Seek counseling (pastoral or financial) early if patterns emerge.
Remember: “speak the truth in love” (ephesians 4:15) and “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), but also “the prudent see danger and take refuge” (Proverbs 27:12).

💒 6. Pray together about your finances
• Invite god into your financial life — not just when you’re in trouble.
• Praying together builds trust, humility, and a sense of shared stewardship.
• Use financial challenges as a spiritual bonding opportunity, not just a practical one.

❓My husband once said to me “even though we are married, a little privacy should be respected”. Is this right?

📖No please there’s no room for little privacy in marriage – kingdom marriage is not for anyone who needs privacy – it is for people who wants to do marriage god’s way – they were both naked and they were not ashamed – it requires openness, honesty and transparency. God’s plan is for every couple to become one so everything that promote growing in oneness is right while everything that demote oneness is wrong – a little privacy in marriage is wrong.

❓What should I do about my spouse's close relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, which is affecting our relationship? They claim the person understands them better.

📖Please speak to your spouse about this highlighting how it is affecting your relationship and hopefully they will see reason with you and end the closeness with the friend but if they don’t please seek help from the pastorate to help them to understand why continuing with the closeness with someone else is not healthy for both of you and also the 3rd party whether they are married or unmarried.

❓Someone once told me that the reason I get angry at others is because I am proud. Is this true?

📖This can be true as pride or ego plays a significant role in our emotions that can then result into anger but it’s not all anger that is due to pride. Both anger and pride are deeply significant emotions—and the bible treats them quite differently.
Anger – in the bible
✅ Righteous anger (godly)
• Not all anger is sinful. Jesus expressed anger at injustice (e.g. Driving out money changers in the temple – John 2:13–17).
• Ephesians 4:26 – “in your anger do not sin.” Anger itself isn't sin, but how you handle it matters.

❌ Sinful anger
• Anger becomes sin when it's rooted in pride, revenge, or hatred.
• James 1:20 – “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
• Uncontrolled anger leads to destruction—relationally, spiritually, emotionally.

Pride – in the bible
• Pride is almost always seen as a sinful elevation of self over others and over God.
• Proverbs 16:18 – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
• James 4:6 – “God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.”
• The bible celebrates humility, gratitude, and boasting in the lord (2 Corinthians 10:17).

🔗 The link between anger & pride
Yes, there is a strong link between the two in Christian teaching:
1. Pride often fuels sinful anger
• When someone offends you, the prideful heart says, “How dare they treat me like this?”
• Anger rooted in pride is self-focused, not justice focused.
• Cain’s anger (Genesis 4) stemmed from wounded pride—he was jealous that God accepted Abel’s offering, not his.

2. Pride prevents reconciliation
• A proud person may stay angry rather than humble themselves, forgive, or apologize.
• Proverbs 13:10 – “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

3. Humility is the cure
• Christ calls us to meekness, not weakness (Matthew 5:5).
• A humble heart may feel anger but submits that emotion to God and seeks peace.

Christlike model
• Jesus got angry—but only at sin, hypocrisy, and injustice, not to defend his ego.
• He was humble, even when wrongly accused or beaten. “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth…” (Isaiah 53:7)

❓As a Christian is it okay to go for fertility tests and mental assessments before marriage?

📖If one of you have issues with fertility this should be disclosed to the other person if you are serious about getting married to yourselves; there should not be secrets in marriage if you are doing it god’s way which is the kingdom marriage and as such there shouldn’t be any need for fertility test as you are not to base your conviction to marry someone on whether fertility test says they can have children or not but rather you are to go into marriage in faith trusting god that he will bless your marriage with children. There are people that fertility tests shows they are fertile and yet they may have wait for many years before they can have children so what do you then do. God is the only one who gives children and he will bless you with children when you walk in faith in him IJN.

For mental health assessment before marriage – i wonder why you need this; if anyone has mental health needs that needs to be addressed before they get married and should also continue to be managed appropriately even in marriage.

❓An acquaintance had to go to the usa and was told to get involved in contract marriage, to get papers. Is this wrong as a christian, it’s just for the papers.

📖A christian is someone who has been bought with a great price – the blood of the lord Jesus Christ so a christian is a person of great value with a great purpose to fulfil in life so he/she is intentional about life and cannot afford to mortgage their destiny to have usa or uk or any nations papers – if the christian knows their worth it wouldn’t even cross their mind – christians are citizens of heaven who live here on earth for the now in our father’s kingdom to fulfil his purpose and please him. Answer is it is wrong for a christian to do contract marriage for papers – marriage is not intended for papers. Please if you are indeed a christian, it means you lack the understanding of what you are worth when you are considering such an option not to even talk of doing it. You worth far more than you know.

❓Can a lady marry a man and then later hope to grow in love.

📖God is a perfect match maker; he matches us rightly so i think this lady needs to go to god in prayer for her right match if she is a christian – a believer in Christ Jesus – God will surely answer you. Your hope to grow to love the man should happen before you go into marriage not hoping for it to happen in marriage what if it doesn’t happen what would you then do?

❓How long is advisable to take to study a man before agreeing to his proposal to marry him? He seems okay but i still feel there are things I don’t know about him?

📖This will vary depending on how long you have known the man for before he asked you to marry him and how much time you have and spending interacting with yourself. Advice will be that you.
There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline, but biblically and practically: 🕊️ You should take as long as necessary to gain clarity, peace, and godly confirmation—no pressure.
Even if he "seems okay", if you still feel unsure, listen to that hesitation. It may be the holy spirit nudging you to pause and seek deeper understanding.

🙏 biblical wisdom on discernment and timing
• Proverbs 19:2 – “desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!”
• Proverbs 14:15 – “the simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”
• 1 thessalonians 5:21 – “test everything; hold fast what is good.”
God is not in a hurry. Love that is from god waits patiently (1 corinthians 13:4), and a man who truly honours christ will wait for you to feel fully at peace and led by the lord.

🧠 key areas to “study” before saying Yes
1. His faith walk
• Is he truly surrendered to christ, or just spiritual in words?
• Is there evidence of repentance, humility, growth?

2. His character
• How does he handle anger, pressure, disappointment?
• Is he accountable to anyone spiritually (pastor, mentor)?

3. Your spiritual unity
• Can you pray together with ease and vulnerability?
• Are your callings compatible?

4. Emotional maturity
• Does he listen well, apologize, lead with love?

5. Family, money, purpose
• How does he relate to his family?
• How does he manage finances, responsibility, calling?
6. How does god speak to you about him?

• Is there peace or confusion when you pray?
• Have you taken time to fast, seek counsel, wait quietly?

❓Can I convert a lady to Christ so i can marry her later?

📖You can preach the good news to all men and women with a good conscience and love of God in your heart so they can be saved not for this to be done with the intention of marrying the person. However, it is possible for God lead you to marry one of your converts so it means you are seeking souls to be saved not just one person only because you want to marry them.

❓Is it wrong to aim to marry a rich UK citizen that is a Christian so I can get papers on time and also have children that are citizens?

📖A. If you are genuinely a Christian life is far more than just being a citizen of any nation and more than having children that are citizens of a particular citizen on earth. Please refer to answer to a similar question above. You are not to aim to marry a rich man but a Christian man who loves God, fears God and loves you.

❓How can i handle sexual advances at work without telling my spouse to prevent exaggeration? Respond firmly but gracefully

📖“Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘no,’ no.” – Matthew 5:37
When someone crosses a boundary, your first duty is to clearly and firmly reject the advance:

• Speak respectfully but directly:
“i’m not comfortable with that. Please don’t speak to me that way.” “i’m a married woman, and i take that seriously.”
• Don’t try to “soften” the no to avoid awkwardness. Let them feel the boundary.
• Do not entertain flattery, private texts, or “jokes” with sexual overtones.
• Document and set boundaries
• Avoid isolation with the person. Try not to be alone with them.
• Keep records of texts, emails, or behaviors if it escalates.
This is both protection for you and wisdom should you need to involve hr or leadership.
“the prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” – proverbs 27:12
Please also tell your spouse as you are to be transparent and open but pray ahead of this particularly because you know there’s potential of them wanting exagerate this.

❓I need help for my relationship

📖Kindly let’s know what you need help with in your relationship and we trust God that we will be able to proffer answers by the help of the Holy Spirit.

❓As a man in a relationship, is it your responsibility to be taking responsibility of your girlfriend’s bill?

📖Until you are married each person is to take responsibility for their own bills. However, you could provide financial support for yourselves as friends not as an obligation and whatever support you provide must be done in love.

❓Why is that once you tell a woman that you like her… she expects her responsibilities and bills to be taken care of by the man otherwise they won’t regard or believe you love them?

Please ladies don’t have unnecessary expectations of any man that is not your husband yet to take responsibilities for your bills even if you are in need please trust God and he will meet your needs as He is your father and the only one who have the full responsibility to look after you as a single lady and even when you are married God only retains that responsibility but shares it with your husband when you become married.

If you are Christians trust God as your father to meet your needs as the fact that a man who is not your husband can meet and pays your bill does not necessarily mean that they love.

❓What do you do when your husband complains and discuss your relationship issues to his friends and not talk to you about the issue and you are not comfortable with that because he might get the wrong counsel

📖Your marriage issues is not to discussed with your friends except you have both agreed to do so with friends that you both trust. Apparently this woman doesn’t trust that the husband’s friend will give the right counsel and it is wrong for this husband to be talking to friends about the issues and they are not even talking to their wife about the issues.

Please husband and wife what you need is a godlly mentor or counsellor who you can evidently see the fruit of the spirit in their own lives and marriage so you don’t expose yourselves to counsel that can cause bigger issues in your marriage and result into a bitter or sour experience in marriage. Please seek godly counsel from your pastors if you are Christians.

❓It has often been the case that majority of the marriages had ended or they spouses involved in infidelity because they were not compatible sexually no matter how they tried to adopt in their marriage, so my question is, As a Christian, is it not wise to make sure you both are compatible sexually and otherwise before marriage?

📖Doing what is contract to God’s ways can never be wisdom or achieve better results no matter how well it is packaged. Although research shows that infidelity is one of the factors for divorce or broken marriage; this is not attributed to not being compatible sexually. How do you test if you are sexually compatible and for how long do you have to test for to be convinced that you are sexually compatible; this is a complete agenda from hell to cause people to sin against God and against themselves by defiling themselves. What if you do the compatibility test for six months and then decide that you don’t think you are sexually compatible and decide to end the relationship and go for another person and test again and move on; you will be breaking many people’s lives and fulfilling the purpose of satan rather than fulfilling the purpose of God.Therefore, if you are a child of God you don’t take the issue of sin against God lightly and any proposal that brings you into sin should be rejected with great passion and quickly so you don’t entangle your life in sin and become an enemy of God by living in perpetual sin.

If there are issues and a couple are not enjoying sexual intimacy in their marriage – it is more likely that they are not doing things right rather than not been compatible and what they need is to seek help from a godly mentor or their pastor who will be able to help them.

e.g of how I was always excited talking about love making and my friend said ‘what is it, is it not just 3mins affair and it’s all finished and I said nooo; it’s far more than that – sometimes 30mins, 45mins or even an hour depending on how much time and how deeper we want to go in exploring and she shouted Haaaaaaa Bisi what do you people do? And then from there we discovered that they needed help and pastor and her husband then had to have heart to heart talk about the issues before things changed for them. They were both new to making love as they were both virgins which is a plus not a minus and all that they needed was just education on how to enjoy love making for both the woman and the man.

❓We share bills 50/50 and my husband is not ready to help in the house chores, any time I talk about it he classify it as me nagging. What should I do as I am tired of the whole stress and I have a baby. not wise to make sure you both are compatible sexually and otherwise before marriage?

📖This is probably the reality of many woman who are married to men who pick and choose between the traditional kind of marriage and the contemporary marriage; neither of them deliver maximum blessings of marriage.

Kingdom marriage promotes kindness, preferring the other person and being supportive of one another as a couple. If as a man you are happy to share bills 50/50 which means your wife is working secularly as you to earn money then you are not willing to share house chores; I purposely did not want to use help or support; then you are not being kind towards your wife; you are not preferring her to yourself because she will be as tired as you are after work and will still have to attend to the baby while you are probably sitting with your legs crossed watching tv until food is ready. Please man reshape your mind by the word of God and change to be more committed to supporting your wife and be more into house chores so you can both share the weight and your wife does not become overwhelmed with working secularly, working at home without and help and looking after the baby and even if there is no baby involved.

I think we need to do more as parents by teaching our sons to be domestic; to do house chores as we raise them so that they don’t get married and expect their wives to do all house chores while they are still expected to work full time and make contributions financially. It is a thing to be driven by every parent who have sons so it’s not only girl child that we teach how to do house chores but we make it a point of duty to also train our sons as well in this regard.

❓Nowadays a man without money does not get love as he’s seen as a ghost

📖A genuine Christian man who loves God; lives in the fear of God and lives to please God will not be bothered or should be grateful to God that he is seen as ghost by such ladies as he doesn’t need one of such in his life. So, I believe this is from a man who is not really sure of who he is in Christ and looking in the wrong places or to the wrong people for love

❓ As a Christian is it okay to go for fertility tests and mental assessments before marriage

📖A. Update: If one of you have issues with fertility this should be disclosed to the other person if you are serious about getting married to yourselves; there should not be secrets in marriage if you are doing it God’s way which is the kingdom marriage and as such there shouldn’t be any need for fertility test as you are not to base your conviction to marry someone on whether fertility test says they can have children or not but rather you are to go into marriage in faith trusting God that He will bless your marriage with children. There are people that fertility tests shows they are fertile and yet they may have wait for many years before they can have children so what do you then do. God is the only one who gives children and he will bless you with children when you walk in faith in Him IJN.

For mental health assessment before marriage – I wonder why you need this; if anyone has mental health needs that needs to be addressed before they get married and should also continue to be managed appropriately even in marriage.

❓What is the Godly explanation of submission?

📖What Is Submission in God’s Eyes?

1. Submission Is First to God
• True submission begins with yielding our will to God’s will.
• James 4:7 – “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
• It means acknowledging God’s authority over every area of our lives—thoughts, actions, desires, and decisions.

2. Submission Is a Posture of Humility
• Submission is not weakness, but strength under control.
• Philippians 2:5–8 – Jesus, though equal with God, humbled Himself and became obedient to death on a cross.
• To submit is to willingly humble ourselves, just as Christ did.

3. Submission Is an Act of Love and Obedience
• It flows from love, not compulsion.
• John 14:15 – “If you love me, keep my commands.”
• When we love God, submission becomes joyful obedience rather than a burden.

4. Submission in Relationships
• Godly submission also applies to human relationships—spouses, church leadership, civil authority, etc.—but always within the framework of God’s Word.
• Ephesians 5:21 – “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
• It’s about mutual respect, order, and reflecting Christ’s humility.

5. Submission Brings Blessing and Authority
• Those who submit to God’s authority walk in His protection and power.
• 1 Peter 5:6 – “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

✨ Godly Explanation (Summary):
Submission is willingly yielding ourselves to God and His will, walking in humility, obedience, and love. It is not slavery or oppression, but a voluntary alignment with God’s authority that leads to peace, blessing, and spiritual strength.

❓Does submission not give you a say as a woman in your relationship or courtship?

📖Submission does not mean that a woman should not have a say or share her views and opinion on the matter at hand but what it means is that you are voluntarily, in love and humility submitting to your husband’s view when your views are at variance. However, the man should understand that his wife’s views are equally important in decision making and the he does not have it all. Sometimes the woman’s views can be more useful to the family so as a man you are to take on board such views for the benefit of the whole family.

Submission does not mean that a wife can’t think for herself; women are not called to follow blindly the thoughts of their husbands and never process the same decisions. God gave women intellectual capacities and gifts; we all have abilities to use our thoughts and ideas for God’s glory so a woman is not to be silenced by her husband. Wise husbands seek their wive's input.

❓Which one is use repair words. Can’t I reset their heads sometimes with slippers?

📖The tone of this question show that this is coming from a parent that needs to do more in developing their parenting skills so they can effectively parent their children. Using slippers or any other item to hit your children which you referred to as resetting their heads is called physical abuse and if you leave marks on your children, you might find yourself in jail where your own head will be reset by the government.

Jokes apart please do not use physical chastisement to correct your children as there are one thousand and one other ways of correcting children which have proven to be effective. Please speak to sister to register you on the parenting course.

❓When I am angry the only language I know is silence please how do I manage this cos it’s destroying my relationship

📖Thank you for opening up about this as it takes courage to admit how anger is affecting your relationships. Silence can sometimes protect us from saying hurtful words in the heat of anger, but if it becomes the only response, it can lead to distance, misunderstanding, and unresolved conflict. Let’s look at some practical and godly ways to manage this:

1. Understand the Root of Your Silence

• Ask yourself: Am I silent because I fear saying the wrong thing, or because I want to punish the other person?
• Silence used as “self-control” can be healthy, but silence used as “withdrawal” can damage intimacy.

2. Practice Healthy Pausing
• Instead of shutting down completely, let your loved one know what’s happening.
• You can say: “I’m upset right now, and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. Please give me some time, and we’ll talk about it later.”
• This way, your silence is not rejection—it’s a pause for peace.

3. Develop Calm Communication
• Once you’ve cooled down, express your feelings honestly but gently.
• Use “I statements” (e.g., “I feel hurt when...” instead of “You always...”). This avoids blame and keeps the conversation constructive.

4. Invite God Into Your Emotions
• James 1:19–20 — “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
• Pray in the moment: “Lord, help me to be slow to anger and quick to love.”
• Scripture, prayer, and the Holy Spirit can calm your spirit before you respond.

5. Practice With Small Steps
• Start by sharing small emotions verbally instead of going silent. For example: “I’m disappointed right now, can we talk later?”
• This is hard for me but we talk about it later.
• Over time, this builds a habit of communication instead of retreat.

Silence in anger doesn’t have to destroy your relationship—if you learn to pause without punishing and communicate with grace. Submission to God in those heated moments will transform your response into one that brings healing, not hurt.

❓What if one partner refuses to accept transparency in finance. Should the other partner withdraw?

📖Transparency is very key to couples becoming and growing in oneness or intimacy which is the design of God for marriage and there are many dangers to this if transparency is lacking in a marriage one of which separation. If one of the partners is refusing to accept transparency then it is a big issue not only in their financial intimacy but also other areas as transparency builds trust and trust is one of the pillars of a good and strong marriage. So this partner needs help to explore why they are refusing to be transparent and what can be done to help them to embrace transparency. Please seek counselling from a trusted godly mentor or the pastorate for this.

❓You responded to a question about a husband asking for a little privacy. Please, what is privacy in this question?

📖To be honest except we ask the person that asked the question we wouldn’t know what they are referring to as privacy but in general privacy is not to be practiced in kingdom marriage – they were both and they were not ashamed is kingdom code for this. Transparency and honest is what the kingdom marriage promotes for a good and sweet marriage

❓What should I do when my spouse never appreciates me, he always points the slightest mistake I make out but will never say anything right I do. I make conscious effort to please him but he doesn’t see it.

📖This can be very painful; I can feel the weight in your words. Living with constant criticism and lack of appreciation can deeply hurt your heart and drain your joy. First, let me affirm this truth: your worth is not determined by your spouse’s words, but by God’s love and what He says about you.
Here are some godly and practical steps you can take:

1. Guard Your Identity in Christ
• Ephesians 1:6 says you are “accepted in the Beloved.”
• Even when your spouse fails to affirm you, God sees your efforts, your love, and your sacrifice. Don’t let his silence erase your sense of worth.

2. Communicate Honestly, but Gently
• Choose a calm time, not in the heat of conflict, to express how you feel.
• Use “I statements” (e.g., “I feel unappreciated when my efforts are not noticed”).
• Sometimes, people don’t realize how their words—or lack of them—affect others.

3. Set Healthy Emotional Boundaries
• Making endless efforts to please someone who never affirms you can lead to burnout.
• Shift your focus: do good because it honors God (Colossians 3:23), not because you expect thanks from your spouse. That way, your peace won’t depend on his reactions.

4. Affirm Yourself with God’s Word
• Replace the criticism you hear with God’s truth.
o Psalm 139:14 – You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
o Zephaniah 3:17 – God rejoices over you with singing.
o Hebrews 6:10 – “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him.”

5. Pray for His Heart
• Sometimes constant criticism flows from inner wounds, pride, or a critical spirit.
• Pray for God to soften his heart, open his eyes, and give him a spirit of gratitude.
• Ezekiel 36:26 – God can replace a heart of stone with a heart of flesh.

6. Seek Wise Counsel if Needed
• If the pattern continues and begins to crush your spirit, consider seeking help from a pastor, counselor, or trusted spiritual mentor.
• Marriage requires mutual building up, not constant tearing down.

Closing Encouragement: Your efforts are not wasted, even if they go unseen by your spouse. God sees every act of love and service, and in His time, He can turn your spouse’s heart. In the meantime, keep your joy rooted in God’s approval, not man’s.

❓Met this man recently. Been seeing each for a couple of weeks, he seems nice, but doesn't communicate sufficiently, while I love to communicate, we've both got a busy schedule, but I make out time to communicate, sometimes he declines my calls, and tells me I'm too emotional. What do I do I do in this situation?

📖We are wondering why you have expectations of the level of communication you are expecting from this person when there is no affirmed commitment to a relationship, what you need to do is to keep your communication brief and not have unnecessary expectation from someone who is not committed to you.

❓Is marriage essential to fulfilling God’s purpose for my life?

📖NO; you can fulfil God’s purpose for your life without being married – e.g Paul, Jesus, Elijah, Elisha

❓As a Christian woman, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a mother of two. However, I don’t feel personally called to marriage or to the responsibilities that come with being a wife, especially in terms of submission to a man. My heart is more drawn to motherhood than to partnership. Is it biblically acceptable for me to pursue motherhood through options like or adoption?

📖There is nothing wrong with adoption but this should be done for the right reasons and not just because you don’t want take on the responsibility of being a wife or to submit to a man. Please seek counsel to address the real issues as this can help you to change your views and be more open to marriage as children should ideally be raised by both parents if possible.

❓What is the difference between lust, infatuation and love?

📖1. Lust
• Definition: A strong, selfish craving for someone’s body or what they can give, without genuine care for their soul.
• Biblical View:
• 1 John 2:16 – “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
• Matthew 5:28 – “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
• Key Traits:
• Self-centered, focused on physical satisfaction.
• Short-term, often fades quickly.
• Can lead to sin, regret, and brokenness.

2. Infatuation
• Definition: An intense but short-lived admiration or attraction, often based on surface qualities (appearance, charm, or emotions).
• Biblical Insight: Though the Bible doesn’t use the word “infatuation,” it warns against being led purely by feelings or appearances.
• Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
• Key Traits:
• Emotion-driven, often irrational.
• Exciting at first, but can fade as reality sets in.
• Doesn’t always consider long-term commitment or the person’s true character.

3. Love
• Definition: A deep, selfless, covenantal commitment to seek the good of another, modeled after God’s love.
• Biblical View:
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 – “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
• John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
• Key Traits:
• God-centered, selfless, and sacrificial.
• Enduring—built on commitment, not just feelings.
• Seeks the other person’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.

Summary in Simple Terms:
• Lust says: “I want you for me.” (selfish, physical)
• Infatuation says: “I like how you make me feel.” (emotional, temporary)
• Love says: “I want the best for you, even at a cost to me.” (selfless, lasting)

❓Can Pity be a sign of love?

📖Yes, but only in part. Pity may be a doorway to love because it shows your heart is touched by someone’s suffering.
• But pity alone is not love. True love goes beyond feeling sorry—it chooses to stand with, support, and sacrifice for the other person.
In Simple Terms:
• Pity feels.
• Love acts.
• When pity leads to action, it becomes an expression of love.

❓As much as I want to join the 6HOURLY PRAYER CHAIN more I find myself forgetting to connect at the right time or I forget altogether, please help.

📖1 set alarm for every 6hours; also get an accountability partner to help you to be on when you are meant to.
Further tips to help us to be effective in prayer
Some advice for those who have not been joining either that you are just not thinking it’s the will of God for you to pray with your church or you are praying with another church but not your church

- God Jehovah, our God, your God is One God
- He is the God of principles
- He is the only God that answers prayers
- He answers by his principles and mercy
- He has placed you in a local church where you are to be fully committed for his own reasons – that is your place of allocation, that is your tribe
- You cannot be tribeless or multi-tribe – that even the angels of God cannot tell for sure which tribe you belong to, you are in this church today, tomorrow in the other, in different churches in the 4 weeks in a month – you actually belong to none – you are like a rolling stone, and rolling stones don’t gather dust only the stone that sits in a place gathers dust, dew of heaven fall on such stones that are in one place at a time, such people are more stable, steady, strengthened to achieve far more in life and destiny. - A rolling stone is not only a danger to itself but to others as they roll around.

❓Can a Christian marry a man with more than one wife?

📖Do you want to be a second wife? As a Christian, the answer is NO.

❓How do you know when you're in love with someone?

📖1. When you think about the person, you just smile. When the person, whether male or female, gives you a sense of peace, then you're in love. It's a stepping stone.

2. Let's assume we're considering it from the context of marriage. Now, if it's a relationship, how do I know I’m in love with this woman, right? Do I feel that at every point in time, I want to care for her, to protect her, to guide her, to lead her, right? To make sure that she's the best version of herself. Does the space that she has in my heart not compete with any other person? Except herself. Now, those signs are essential. To show that you are genuinely in love with the person, you both need to be on the same page, sharing the same mission. You see her vision keenly reflected in your vision, and you know the future ahead together, with her.

❓What are the possible signs that a sister who is inquiring from God concerning a brother can ask God to show her? In what ways can she ask God to show her these signs?

📖If you are looking for signs, they are good. Still, signs may not always be right because sometimes people say, 'Oh God, let her come in' or 'let him go into church today wearing a white shirt.' The person comes in a white shirt, so you take that as your confirmation. However, that's not enough confirmation. You need to base your conviction on things that are stronger than that, particularly the word of God. That's where your strong convictions should come from.

Anybody can do anything if you ask for signs. You know things can happen; it can just happen. Oh, let him be the first person that will ring me today. He may be the first person that will ring you, but does that necessarily mean that's the will of God? Maybe or maybe not, so you still need further clarity and stronger convictions if you are to go ahead with such a relationship.

❓How can couples manage finances or manage shared finances wisely while maintaining trust and preventing abuse or misuse? Given that one partner may overspend or conceal financial decisions, how can couples effectively manage shared finances?

📖So, the person needs to sit the other person down for this discussion around transparency and accountability because you can't continue just to spend our money just as you like, and even not without our joint decision, so we should talk about any spending that we are doing. We've shared before here, as God blesses you, you can have a set amount, say, if I’m spending £500, I don't need to necessarily seek your consent because of the way God has blessed us, or I would tell you later. That's fine as long as you both agree to it, and as God blesses you, you can keep increasing that amount, but not for you also to abuse that and be spending the £500 every other week or every other day; that will become an abuse of that system as well. So please let's be wise in the way we spend our resources.

❓If your partner gives up on you after finding out you had a childhood trauma that made you not ask for their help or kept a secret?

📖Yes and no, it could mean yes or no because you have kept a secret from your partner; we don't know the gravity of that secret, so we cannot just say your partner shouldn't do anything. No, both of you need to go to see a counsellor; it can be a spiritual counsellor. I always advise that because if you go to a secular counsellor, one couple once told us they went to see a secular counsellor; they wanted a divorce; they're struggling with their marriage. This counsellor herself has divorced five times, so you know you have to look at the pedigree of the people you're going to see counsel from. So, I always advise spiritual counselling. So please, let this person speak to their pastor. If you are here, please speak with the pastor, and then we can assist you and your spouse in determining how to move forward.

❓What advice can you give me, as my husband and I seem to have different parenting styles, and as much as I try to adjust, it seems to be rigid?

📖1. For this person, the first thing I say is that there is no intentional parenting without an intentional marriage. If you want to parent intentionally, your marriage has to be. There are three core pillars of marriage, and for me, the most important thing is communication. So, you need to communicate with your spouse.

You need to have conversations, not confrontations. So, the first thing is to have that conversation. If, as a couple, you don't have regular discussions, please try to institute them. So, there's something that my husband and I do. We call it the marriage dinner. We try to have it once, usually once a month, but I think now it's more frequent. We have certain things that we discuss every time; we have a list, and we talk about them. Hence, whatever it is that you want to call it, find a way to institute it, it might have to start from you because you know you're looking for something, so just make it a point to have conversations with your husband and not confrontations, and understand why it is oftentimes because people don't know why, that is why they resist. However, the way you present it also matters. If you come and you present it as though he doesn't know what he's doing, or he's wrong, or you're shouting, he's going to rebel.

Every man has that ego in them. And it's God-given because they need that to be able to direct and lead the family. So, you can't come and expect to talk down to him or ridicule his opinion and then expect him to listen to you. It will always be 'it won't work,' so wisdom is profitable for you to sit down and have that conversation, explaining why you think your style is the right way. Then, hear from him what you feel is your reason, and you will conclude. Remember, I said that communication as a couple is important, so if you haven't been communicating about different issues, you need to start doing so.

But the way and manner are also important, don't make anybody feel like you are better than them, or maybe because you are privileged to know some things before them. It's fine share the knowledge that you know but share it in a way that would make the person want to listen, and then you can move forward. As said earlier, as a family, or as a husband, you have to agree that agreement has to happen; however, it only happens when you have that conversation. You just have to have that conversation, so start by having a conversation and then present it in a good way, in a nice way. And I believe and trust God that your husband will listen in Jesus' name.

2. We can have different styles; some people might decide to be high energy, and others might take it slowly, but in the end, there must be a meeting point, and it will come from how you guys have been dealing with other issues. So, if you don't agree on different issues, it will also be evident in your parenting.

❓I find this hard to understand. Where do you define the line between not comparing my children and still wishing great things for them?

📖It’s discontent, that anger, that feeling that you get when you are seeing other people and you're comparing yourself or your children.

For example, you know a child who is doing something you wish your child was doing. You are angry at your child for not being able to do that, so that's a comparison instead you want to wish good things for them. Identify that if you want your child to do this, you have to put in the work. See, anything that is working, somebody is working on it. You see that child standing there, that is preaching; somebody has put in the work. Time has been invested either by the parents or by the coaches. Even children who are talented. For example, they are musicians; they are very good. The parents must have bought an instrument for them to practice. That's the way you can come; you can bring out this child's talents. So, know that it's good to desire good things for your children, but note it is the negative emotion that comes with it when it's more of comparison.

You should be encouraged by the spoken word, celebrate people's successes, be inspired by them, and say, 'Oh, I have work to do,' and do the work. Often, we just want our children to become something, and we don't want to do the work. No, the gardener tends to the soil and prunes. If you leave it for a few days, what happens? Weeds take over. So that constant tending, pruning, somebody is doing the work. So, please, if you want your child to wish for something? Fine. Desire it but be willing to put in the work. As long as your emotions are not negative, you are wishing them well, and it's good. But please be willing to do the work.

❓We started as a kingdom marriage, but later on, my husband has now left the church and has emotionally detached from our marriage

📖Okay, so this is a big one, and there will be more context to it. So, please, let's appeal to this person to speak and come to see the pastor so that we can have a fuller picture and advise rightly on the matter. There would have been many things that happened over time between the two of you and with the person as well. So please see the pastor so that you can have the right support. It's very important. You need that support, and we are here to offer it by the grace of God.

❓My spouse said she loves me when I am angry and aggressive. What can I do?

📖From what we know scripturally, Christians are not to be angry and aggressive. So, what your spouse is liking is not of God, and so your spouse needs help because she needs help. You need to grow in the image of Christ, and it's not the image of Christ to be aggressive. Your spouse is not right, it’s not godly, and your spouse needs help. So please encourage the two of you to also speak to the pastorate so that there can be help. It's not right to love aggression, and you know, it's a way of the world. There are some people that want you to inflict pain on them, and they say they feel good about it. It's demonic; it's not of God.

There's another interpretation of the question. It seems the person says he's always getting angry, and whenever he's angry, his wife says, “I love you.” Maybe just to calm the person down. One of the things that can help one with anger is to use the scripture. The scripture is the best shaper of all our lives. It is the best shape. If you use the scripture, what does the scripture say about being angry? Anger lies in the bosom of the fool. Our wrath does not promote the righteousness of God. So, you need to get those scriptures to fire them into your spirit so that your spirit will start to detest being angry. And then you can pray for yourself effectively. And you begin to put things in place that will help you grow beyond being angry. Because when anyone is angry, it's not a good state, is it? It's a high level of negative energy that the person is using or displaying. And it affects the person and also affects the spouse, affects the children in the home, if there are children, affects the environment. So, in any way, anger is not productive.

Anger is negative. So, if we see it the right way with the eyes of the scriptures, then it will help us to be able to deal with it and become less and less angry until you are able to overcome it completely. And then you have the victory over it. People have had victory over anger, not only anger but any other works of the flesh. The same principle applies. Get your scriptures, work with yourself on them, and pray. Pray. The Holy Spirit will help you.

Just to quickly add, there might be an underlying factor as well. It might stem from even before the person got married, or from childhood, or whatever is causing that anger in that person. It might just be an angry person. So, I will still advise the person to seek further help or counselling from the pastorate or from someone you trust that is really born again that you can be able to talk to and explore what is causing this anger. What is it that you have bottled up that you need to let out and discuss? By the time you have that, you know, objective discussion, that honest discussion, you'll find that you feel lighter. And from there, when you begin to apply the scriptures and pray about it, you are being transformed. Until that weight is taken off, whatever it is, and dealt with.

So, it's very important because, sometimes people have gone through things as children, and those things, they stay. You might just think they've gone, but if they have not been properly addressed, they stay, and they can come to play out later in life. There's nobody who has gone through trauma in life that cannot be made free. We can become free. So please seek counsel, seek help, and you will be a better version of yourself in Jesus' name. Amen.

❓How can I be more patient and kinder towards my husband after noticing I nag more and have become short-tempered since giving birth?

📖 Please, I think you need to call the attention of your husband to this because of what you're going through. Sometimes it could be what women go through after giving birth to a baby because there's more pressure on you. You are more likely to be more stressed, and you need help from your husband to de-stress, to help you to understand yourself as well, because to be honest with you, particularly If it's your first time, you don't even understand what you're doing or what you're going through yourself, so you're in a place where you're trying to cope with so many things, and there is this little lively baby still making all the noise.

I see you demanding attention, and you're like, 'Oh my God' where do I go from here? So you need to get your husband's attention into what you're going through so that he can be there to help and to support you and to make you feel better with yourself, because a lot of women go into postnatal depression after having a child, and you want to prevent that, so your husband is a good support network for you in that situation and then he would also understand maybe you snap sometimes. It can bear with you, and it can help you to say, 'Honey, don't worry. It's going to be all right. We are in this together.' And that partnership sense will help you to feel a lot less stressed.

And once you're a lot less stressed, you will stop snapping. You will stop being short-tempered. And then you can both move forward. Nursing your child is a blessing that God has given to you. So, you will both continue to nurse your child. And you'll be stronger together. Hallelujah.

I know there might be other options, you know, things that people can say to help you. You may need to speak to people who have gone through the same situation as well. People you can trust that you know you can speak to. You know, there are so many people in church that we can tap into the resources in them just to help us so that we can be our best, even in any situation in life. You are going through a challenging path. We all recognize it, so please don't lose faith in yourself. Don't give up and say, "Oh, I have become a nagging wife now, and there's no way out." No, there is a way out for you, and you are going through a journey that you're going to be victorious in, and in Jesus' name, amen. We love you. Whoever you are, I don't know who the person is, but we love you. Please get your husband into it and have that proper discussion. And if you need further help, please speak out and come together with your husband for better help.

❓My husband knows I love celebrating Valentine's, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Yet on Valentine's Day, he did nothing. Do I have the right to be angry?

📖 Well, be angry, but sin not. Yes, husband, please! If you know your wife cherishes these days. Well, we don't have the details, but let's make it simple. Husband, please do not do this again. Please repent because it is important to your wife. If it's somebody else's wife, the person may not mind. But for your own wife and remember you're married to only one wife. And like Pastor Francis said, her peace is your peace. Her joy is your joy. Please make her happy the next Valentine's Day. And you can still make up for this one; please make it up to her, and please don't be angry because you didn't get a gift. It's good that you raised the discussion with him and did it in a kind way; don't make it a quarrel.

Answer 2: I wanted to point out the fact that Valentine's Day is not a default where only the women are celebrated and get gifts. It's both ways. Yes. What did she do? Because you cannot celebrate the man, and he will not reciprocate. What did you do? Or you are just expecting the man to look after you on Valentine's Day. So, it's both sides. So, learn to appreciate him. Sow that seed, and next year yours will be bigger. If you sow nothing, you reap nothing. Let's just be kind to ourselves. Let's celebrate those dates if you know them, particularly if you know that they're important to the other person. Answer 3:

It should be a celebration of love between the two of you. So, it's not for your husband to celebrate you alone or for you to celebrate him alone. You have to celebrate yourselves, the love between the two of you. So maybe the two of you don't understand it yet. And we think you need a better understanding so that it doesn't cause any issues anymore. Please celebrate your love between yourselves.

❓If I give because I was pressured to, is that kindness?

📖Well, if you give under duress or you have been made to meet a need by force, and it can happen, it can still be counted as kindness, but you did it under pressure.

❓Can married couples have sex while fasting?

📖 Yes, you can when you break the fast in the evening. Remember, fasting is denying ourselves, so during that period of the fasting, yes, you have to deny yourself, but once you break the fast in the evening, yes, you can have sex. I call it making love; I don't like saying 'have sex because what you say is what you get, isn't it?

So, I say we'll make love; we don't do sex, we make love so then love is continuing to be built up in our relationships, so yes, you can make love after you have broken your fast. We are on a hundred days of fasting and praying for a glorious encounter, so it's a long time to say you will not make love at all. Please, whether you are a husband or wife, please don't deny the other person for a hundred good days. Please, we are allowed after we've broken the fast to make love.

❓In Matthew 19:5, what is the meaning of leave, and does it apply to the wife as well?

📖 Answer 1: Okay, simply 'leave' means leave. And this statement, one would insinuate that it's directed to the man. And in most cases, what we found is that it's always more difficult for men to leave emotionally, in particular. Maybe experiences differ, but the truth is, the two people should leave, behind every other person and prioritize yourselves first because you are the new family that God is forming; the two of you are the new family that God is forming.

Answer 2: I think in this context, you know, when the Bible says the man should leave his father and the mother, remember the woman is the one that leaves her parents on the wedding day. You leave your surname, you leave everything, and you cleave to the man. So emotionally, every other thing they are saying is, 'Leave your family and leave it all for your wife.' Because you are to nurture your wife. Both of you are together now. So, the man, in the physical sense, is still like his family. He still has his name. But the woman left everything and followed you. So, you have to physically as well disengage from those things that used to be your number one, that used to be your priority and acknowledge that your wife is now your number one.

❓How do we go about being in a relationship without fornication? Because it's a hard thing in this generation as youth?

📖 Thank you very much for asking that question. But I want to start by answering that it's never easy in any generation; it's not harder in this generation than it was in our own generation; it's always very tough to stay out of fornication. That means to stay out of, you know, defiling yourselves before you are married. So, see, if you describe fornication in a very good way, it will help you. “It's defilement.” How many of us want to be defiled? Nobody. So, if you see it in the true sense of it, then it will help your mindset about it, and it will help you to refrain yourselves from it.

There are so many ways that you can keep yourselves away from it. You can make sure that you have boundaries in that relationship that you are in, and we add boundaries, so that's why I'm saying it's not different in our days; it wasn't easier; it was tough because you love the person, you know there's attraction already emotionally. So, you must have boundaries in place that stop you from going into that defilement process by making sure you are not in the same place together all by yourselves for hours, by making sure that, you know, you can meet at every other place but not inside of a cocoon, and then you are saying, Oh, we will not do it. You will do it because you have prepared the atmosphere for it. Yeah, so be realistic with yourselves, be tough on yourselves. We told ourselves we are not doing this because it is defilement; you are not going to defile me. I'm not going to defile you. It's an abomination. For it to happen, your view about it must be the same to start. Two of you must believe that it is an abomination, and when something is an abomination, you do not want to do an abomination. No, you don't do it; it's a sin against God, so it's an abomination.

❓Can having the same blood group and genotype symbolize a purposeful marriage in the future?

📖Purpose is not in the blood group. It just shows you that you are compatible in your genotype and in your blood group; that's what that shows you. So, if that is important to you, please work with it. There's no law against it; work with it if it is important to you. For some people, they could decide to go with somebody who has AS genotype, and he is also AS, but they know that God is directing them to go on with it, and they both agree to do it. Do not deceive the other person; that's very important. Let them know so that they are happy to go on that same journey in faith with you.

❓Should I have patience with unbelieving friends who are always suggesting sin, or should I break the relationship and keep praying for them from a distance?

📖 Yes, you should; that's what we said at the beginning, or maybe that was in the first service. So do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, don't sit in the seats of sinners, and don't stand in the way of the scornful.

So, if your friends are always suggesting sin, then they shouldn't be your close friends. You should be praying for them because you want them to change but then don't make them your close associates so that you don't become like them. Remember, evil communication corrupts good manners. No matter how good you are, if you stay in that environment for too long, you'll become like them. So please be praying for them, don't stay with them in that same situation, encourage them, you know, invite them to church, and do everything you can do to ensure that they themselves become changed. And then look for friends that will help you. Look for friends that will help you in the path of righteousness. Remember the three Hebrew children and Daniel; it is because they were all believing the same thing, they all had the same values, that they could help themselves even though they were in the strange land. They could stand in their values, which are godly even in an ungodly environment. So, you need friends who will stand with you, who believe the same thing as you. If not, you know, they wouldn't have achieved all the exploits that they did for the Lord, even in a strange land. And they all became very great in the strange land. So having the right companion will make you great in this land in the name of Jesus Christ. So, choose your companions wisely. Choose friends wisely.

❓How long should one be patient? I ended a friendship for my mental health due to constant stress and bad words from my former friend.

📖 The Bible describes patience as long-suffering. How long is long? Very long. But if this friend is always very negative, like we said, give them distance. And be praying for them; don't allow them too much space in your space that will make them become torturous to your mental health. But sometimes God might want to build you up in your resilience as well and position such people in our lives. You know that there are some people that are there as a pain to help us to grow. Yes, I've had people like that in my life before. And instead of giving up on them and chasing them away, I know that God brought them for a reason. And these people have wonderful qualities as well. Let's not forget that. No matter how bad somebody is, there is still lots of good in them. So, if we shift our focus and we just focus on the good in them, it will help us.

Because what if you're already married to this kind of person? So, what do you then do? You know, it will help you to grow in your own resilience if you have the right approach. If you are growing in the image of Christ, you won't be feeling that pressure on your mental health anymore; you will grow above it, and you will become stronger emotionally for it, so it can go two ways, but choose the one you want to follow. I would advise that if it's a relationship that can be avoided without any issues, yes, be praying for the person, don't give up on the person, and don't run the person down and be telling everybody about what and all what's not about them; that will not be loving.

❓Family and friends abroad keep asking me for money; they don't seem to be patient, and I want to block them. What can I do?

📖 You are not alone in the matter. Yes, people will keep asking us. Thank God that you are not the one in the position that is asking; I always thank God for that. So, you can help me to remain humble. Because sometimes the way some people ask can make you really want to be provoked. But then I tell myself, Father, I thank you that I'm not the one in this position. I give you praise. What can I do to help this person? Okay, so if they are becoming too much of a pain, maybe they are not giving you a break.

Because this person said they are not patient. So, it’s even affecting your own patience. So, do you block them? If you feel that they have become, they have become; they have turned you into, what do you call it? They are taking advantage of you. asking and asking and asking, then you can deal with them decisively by not giving I don't block people, but I can be very assertive. If I’m not giving, there's nothing you can do. Text me one million times; I won't even respond. That's the truth because in my heart I've decided that I am not giving to you on this occasion. So, we must all learn that and be able to stand, and okay, you want to say something? Okay. It's not wrong to block if that's the only way you can do it. You can go about it. If that's the only way you can manage it, it's not wrong. You can block it so that it doesn't keep bothering you. Yeah, even if you block them, some of them will go and get another number and ring you. So, you can't escape.

If it's becoming excessive, then manage it by not responding all the time. But as much as you can give, please give. Pastor says you should have a budget. We call it “Africa's tax”. Because they will always ask. So, prepare for them. Then you give. But have a budget that you want to give. Don't let them make you work 24/7. That you are not resting. Or because you want to be giving? And you want to maintain an impression that is not it. Don't do that to yourself as well; you'll be killing yourself unnecessarily. So, apply wisdom.

❓How do you measure progress without comparing yourself with friends and family?

📖Answer 1: I believe what you laid down for yourself is different from what the other person laid down for herself. If you want to be grateful, compare what you were to what you are now, and then you can try to meet up to what you want to be.

Answer 2: Be your own benchmark. Let what God wants for you be your benchmark. Because by the time you start comparing yourself with someone else, you’re likely to be struggling with the part of being grateful. Sometimes people say by 25 I should be married, and at 30 I should have my car. Sometimes in comparison to what other people have achieved or what they think they should have achieved. It’s always good to have goals; I have goals. But don’t let your goals with the time you set put you under unnecessary pressure because we have seen people go into different things because they have set the time, not wanting to walk with God’s time. Not that God will not give you a house or partner, but it might not be the time you have set for yourself and that’s the danger. I shared with you the friend that said the limit for waiting for a life partner is 27, and if God does not bring him by 27, she will get her husband anywhere; he does not have to be a Christian, this is not ideal. Unfortunately, at the moment, the lady lost everything. Don’t kill yourself.

❓How do we find a balance when somebody says to us, 'You know God has told me you're my wife' or 'You're my husband,' and you have maybe three or four people saying the same thing to you? How do we then differentiate when it's ourselves or our emotions that are really saying that to us and when it is the Holy Spirit actually speaking to us?

📖 Answer 1:
It's a very difficult question, but we try our best. You know, it's not just that easy for three people to come for one person and you just say, 'oh, this is the person I like.' You have to pray, and there are a lot of things that you have to do. The Holy Spirit cannot lie; the Holy Spirit cannot mislead you. He will always lead you to the right person. If we have that discerning spirit, He will show you the right person.

BThey might come in different aspects, they might come in with different personalities, but when you pray and tell the Holy Spirit to guide you, the Holy Spirit will do it. There's nothing that you ask the Holy Spirit that the Holy Spirit will not do. But if the Holy Spirit is guiding you, you get to that right person.

Answer 2:
Well, in our days, we used to pray and wait on God. We prayed for visions, and we prayed for dreams. So, I think that's the thing that is missing these days. People just say, I heard, I heard the Lord; it was so strong, I heard it, it was strong in my heart, but there's a place if you remember Joseph, you remember Nebuchadnezzar, these things are real. So those are the things that you know, the youth of our issue should go back to believing God for revelation, visions, and dreams. And don't forget the place of leaders. I think these are the traditions that we've thrown away. We just want to do the thing ourselves. Let me tell you a quick story. I hope I won't be long. Before I got married, I had three as well. Three people said, 'Yes, you are my wife.' And I have to go do my own research. One of them started praying seriously and God started showing him my future not with him; in fact, he saw me abroad with two children and my husband now.

He described the man and said, 'With two girls.' I remember the day that vision came to pass, so you know those are the things that you know God did in our days, and these are the things people of these days that are not married should desire. God still does those things. He's still in that business. He will give you a vision or a dream, a leader, somebody you respect. Because Pastor Mrs. was telling us yesterday that we should connect to our leaders. That's where blessings come from. Somebody you respect, you honour. And let's go back to honouring having someone in our life that we respect and honour as a spiritual father or mother. Will confirm that as well.

Answer 3:
Thank you very much for that. So, the place of receiving revelation from the Lord is very important. If you are the sister or maybe you are the brother, because it could happen either way that somebody may be confused about who to really marry because they are having that inclination towards more than one person. God is not the author of confusion. He will clearly speak to you if you desire to hear from him. And he will speak in diverse ways to confirm to you.

Let me tell you how I got married to my wife. There was someone who wanted to marry her, and I did as well. So, she was praying. She was praying just for the Holy Spirit to reveal someone she was going to marry. And I travelled. And she was like, she was praying and saying, 'Oh, this guy travelled.' Let me just pray the right person buy me gifts. I was not supposed to come back that week. But something was telling me, go back, go back. I just bought something. I came back. I went to meet her. I said, 'This is what I bought for you.' She was asking me, 'Why did you come back?' We are not supposed to come back this week. I said, 'I just came back to come and see you.' That was how she knew that, yes, this was the right man for her.

Answer 4:
So, the Bible says that we should not remove the ancient landmark. Now, that's one of the things that we have. That's one of the issues we have in our generation. I'll speak for my generation. We want to do everything on our terms, by ourselves. And now this creates a problem. The Bible says that in the multitude of counsellors, there is safety. Now, we have abandoned the role of mentorship for many people. It has to be my decision. I have to make my own decision. It is a hazardous endeavour.

Now, apart from listening to God's direction, the truth is that emotions are strong. See, emotions can confuse God's voice, no matter how experienced you are. Now, if you are not the kind of person who hears God speak to you on a typical day, you don't expect God to talk to you when it's time to decide on a life partner. You will be confused because you don't even know God's voice. That's the truth. So, when you're now praying to God that God should lead you, that, oh, is this my husband or is this my wife? It's going to be so difficult to actually hear because emotions may likely cloud your judgment. And that is where the mentors come in. That's where they come into play.

Now, Abraham told his servant, 'Go to so-and-so place to go and pick a wife for my son. There was someone who was playing the role of a mentor who led him right enough. I actually did that I'm the kind of person who hears God speak specifically. But as Pastor Mrs said, I'm kind of like a sanguine, so I can take impulsive decisions; I can just decide, 'Oh, I like this person; I want to go for this person.' But for the first time, I started when I told myself that I must hear God speak, and I must hear my mentors give me specific instructions and directions.

And I approached the person, and I told her, 'Do not give me an answer until your pastor has told you that this is what God wants you to do. Do not give me an answer because we are kind of like a traditional family setting, whereby we have parents who have mentors. My father is a pastor, my father has a prophet, my father's prophet has a prophet. Yeah, so we kind of have like a spiritual covering over our lives.' So, I told her that I want to be sure that I know what I want, but emotions can be very distracting, and I want to be certain. And at every point in time where challenges came, oh, my mother is praying and talking to her mentor, the mentor is saying, 'Oh, yeah, go ahead.' So, I was technically sure that, okay, this is what I want God to do.

And for the first time in all my previous relationships, I experienced a profound sense of peace, unlike anything I had felt before. And that's one role that a mentor has to play. So, I would say that we should go back to the place of mentorship, and it's going to help us.

You're Not Alone. We're Here to Help.

Submit an Anonymous Question